I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
