I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
