I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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