Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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