the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
