its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
