dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
