I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
