scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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