he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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