So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
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