HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
