She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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