Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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