Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
