You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
