i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
