I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
