thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
