The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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