I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
