using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
