That's when you crack a 10am beer
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
