Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
