the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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