I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
