Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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