That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
