glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
