this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
