Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
