I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
