Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize