Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
