Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
