is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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