Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
