He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
