More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
