Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
