The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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