Me too!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
