My sheets look like a crime scene.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
