I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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