I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
