Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
