the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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