Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We are two peas in an std pod
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
