ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
