It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
