fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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