my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
