i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
