there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
