im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
