can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
