I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
