you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
