Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
