doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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