There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
