I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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