He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
