her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
