she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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