after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize