Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
