omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
