I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
