he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
