If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
