My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
