My first STD was from a foam party
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
